Seth: Go back to bed. Or… the floor.
Theresa: I can’t impose on Seth’s parents forever.
Seth: Sure you can. I intend to.
Sandy: So, Cay-Cay, what have you been doing all this time?
Sandy: Not that I have any affection for you, Caleb. You know that. But I do love The Vegas.
Seth: I didn’t know you loved The Vegas, Dad.
Sandy: I love The Vegas. Ryan, how do you feel about The Vegas?
Ryan: I’ve never been to The Vegas. My mom was all about The Reno.
Ryan: Actually I think your dad might be going to Vegas this weekend.
Marissa: How do you know?
Ryan: ‘Cause I might be going to Vegas this weekend?
Marissa: For what?
Ryan: Caleb’s bachelor party.
Marissa: What? With, like, strippers and prostitutes and showgirls?
Ryan: Yeah. I don’t know. I hope so.
Kirsten: Julie, we are smart, sophisticated women. We don’t need strange naked men dancing in front of us to be entertained.
Julie: I’m not as smart as you. Plus, the boys are getting strippers.
Kirsten: The boys are not getting strippers.
Julie: Kirsten, it’s Las Vegas. You get strippers as a side with your entrée.
Kirsten: No strippers!
Julie: Just one little stripper. Please! Just one little stripper, who never hurt anyone, just trying to make his way in the world… naked.
Theresa about her new living arrangements: I mean, she doesn’t have a poolhouse or anything…
Seth about Summer: Do I force confrontation or do I just continue to be whiny passive aggresive until she realizes what a catch I am?
Marissa: You guys have fake IDs?
Seth: CB Cebulski of Menlo Park. Have you met my associate, Marty Navis?
Caleb: What is this place?
Sandy: This is the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. According to Seth it is ground zero for aging hipsters like yourself.
Seth: What are we gonna do, man? I don’t want to get thrown out of The Hotel. I love The Hotel. I wanna marry the hotel and have little gambling-addicted alcoholic kids with it.
Hailey: Can I ask you something? How do you get yourself into these things?
Kirsten: I wish I knew.
Hailey: Does she have a picture of you wearing cullottes or something?
Jen to Seth: Excuse me. would you mind if I kissed you?
Seth: I love The Vegas. Obviously The Vegas loves me.
Summer: I have been crying actual tears over that ass and he’s been kissing randoms.
Seth: Why quit when you’re ahead?
Ryan: ‘Cause if we don’t, Angry Trucker Hat over there is gonna hurt me.
Seth: Maybe he’s not angry at you. Maybe he’s angry ’cause he found out people don’t wear trucker hats anymore.
Kirsten: There are four male strippers, dressed as firemen, dancing in our living room.
Sandy: Theme-stripping. You gotta love that.
Kirsten: Oh, wait, now they’re not dressed as anything at all.
Sandy: Try to keep them off of the furniture.
Summer: Get away from him, whore!
Seth: Wait wait wait! She’s not a whore. She goes to UNLV.
Summer: Oh, okay. You know, I’m sorry. Skank.
Seth: I hate The Vegas.
Summer: Way to go, Whore Boy.
Seth about Texas Hold ‘Em: That’s a card game, not hooker-talk.
Marissa: Theresa’s pregnant. And it might not be Eddie’s. So why don’t you tell me what’s going on.