Ryan: Maybe the girls should pick the movie next time.
Seth: Ah, do I have to remind you about the Bring It On phase?
Summer: Now that is an awesome movie.
Ryan: I’m not looking for trouble.
Volchok (Cam Gigandet): Maybe you should have thought about that before jumping in the other night.
Summer: What, like you didn’t start it by hooking up with someone’s girlfriend?
Seth: Good point. {Volchok’s friends look at him} Or that’s unnecessary to continuity. Either/or.
Marissa: I just feel responsible. I mean if I hadn’t introduced Ryan to Johnny in the first place then he never would have gotten into a fight with that jerk.
Summer: Yeah well, if you wanna blame someone, why not Casey for hooking up with the Surf Nazi to begin with.
Marissa: I know. I still can’t believe she did that.
Summer: Hm. She had a reason.
Seth: Dude, all I’m saying is you just got back into Harbor, okay? You do not want to go back to the wasteland of home schooling.
Ryan: I told you, I’m not gonna fight him.
Seth: I hear you. And I want to believe you, but I also know Kid Chino. Sometimes when his back’s up against the wall, those fists of fury—
Ryan: Kid Chino is retired. He hung up the hoodie. So just relax, alright?
Kirsten: We should take out half these tables so we have more flow.
Julie: We should also talk to them about the music. The last event I did here they had us on the Kenny G loop.
Taylor: So, you’re like Seth’s best friend, right?
Ryan: Don’t tell Captain Oats.
Taylor: That’s funny. I didn’t know that you were funny.
Marissa: I’m only telling you so you can be on the lookout, okay? ‘Cause this guy’s crazy.
Chili (Johnny Lewis): Gotcha. I’ll be on Amber Alert.
Seth: Even if I didn’t love Summer? Her and I, we’re totally incompatible, seeing as how she’s crazy and I’m not.
Ryan: I thought you said she wasn’t that bad.
Seth: Taylor Townsend? In fourth grade she campaigned against making the school handicap accessible. She said it was “reverse Darwinism”. Besides who— who— wants Dean Hess’ seconds.
Taylor: Look, can we talk?
Seth: Yeah, but before you say anything—
Taylor: I like you.
Seth: Ah, boy.
Taylor: I know. It totally surprised me too, because I don’t usually go for the R. Crumb type. But the heart has its own logic.
Seth: Hm. Hm. Yeah, well, I’m with Summer though. So…
Taylor: I heard you were breaking up.
Seth: What? Who said that?
Taylor: I made it up. But what did you feel when you heard it? Relief?
Seth: No.
Summer: Who was that? It sounded like a girl.
Seth: Did it? Yeah. Well, sure. Because I’m listening to the radio and This American Life is on. And so there’s a girl talking.
Summer: Oh. Is that that show where those hipster know-it-alls talk about how fascinating ordinary people are? God.
Seth trying to get the bartender’s attention: Hey. Hey, Buddy! {no luck} I used to work here!
Taylor: Hello Seth.
Seth: Taylor. Hey!
Taylor: Is Summer here?
Seth: Okay, look. I love Summer. And always have. Now while you and I may share an appreciation for ultra violent Asian cinema, there is no way—
Summer walking up: What’s going on?
Seth: Tell me you just heard what I was saying.
Taylor: Hi Summer. You look really cute.
Summer: I know. But more importantly why are you always talking to my boyfriend?
Ryan: Can I talk to you about something?
Sandy: Anytime.
Ryan: There’s this guy and he’s gotten it in his head that he’s going to fight me.
Sandy: Does this have anything to do with the fact that my car is now “The Little Bitch”?
Ryan: I was going to fix that.
Chili: I can’t believe you dragged me out of bed for this. This is the worst idea ever.
Marissa: There’s no other way.
Chili: Okay, but seriously, you don’t know Volchok. Last year some guy snaked his wave, so he went up on the pier and dropped a kitchen sink on him. Where do you even get a kitchen sink?
Seth: Listen to me. Nothing happened at the lock-in.
Summer: Uh huh. And yet you still felt the need to lie about her being in your room?
Seth: Because I knew how you’d react. Not that it’s your fault. I’m saying it’s my fault. Definitely my fault.
Summer: You know what is my fault? {smacks Seth}. That!
Kirsten: Julie, I really want to thank you.
Julie: For what?
Kirsten: Making me do this. I wasn’t sure that I was ready, but having your support? I just wish my dad could see us. He’d be so proud.
Veronica Townsend (Paula Trickey): I thought you said you’d have friends here tonight.
Taylor: They’re just not here yet.
Veronica: I don’t want another evening of you sitting alone in the corner reading The Economist. It’s embarrassing.
Taylor: I live in this dream world where I think that Summer is my friend and I think that you like me. And the truth is that I don’t have anybody. I mean, god, even the Grinch has that stupid little dog!
Seth: You think Summer’s your friend?
Taylor: Yes, I know, I’m crazy!
Julie on the microphone: Excuse me. Ah, excuse me. May I have your attention over here, please? I’m Julie Cooper-Nichol. It’s so great to see all your faces. And I just want to thank you so much for coming here. With your assistance we are going to be able to help a great many women in need. {applause} Thank you. However as you write your checks I would ask that you make them out to the National Foundation for Substance Abuse. As it so happens your generosity has somewhat overwhelmed our small organization and with the National Foundation’s network your money will go a lot further. And still be tax-deductible. So thank you, very much.
Kirsten: Did you know about this?
Charlotte (Jeri Ryan): No, I— I’ll go talk to her. {grabs Julie} Julie, what the hell do you think you’re doing?
Julie: Oh. Could you not hear me? I always hold the mic too far away.
Charlotte: I wasn’t kidding about the police, Julie. Now you get back over there and you tell everyone it was a mistake.
Julie: Call them.
Charlotte: What?
Julie: Call the police. {no reaction} I thought so.
Charlotte: Oh, what? You think you’re back in society now so you don’t need the money? Wake up, Julie. These people are never going to accept you. You don’t have any friends here.
Julie: Wrong. I have Kirsten. And I won’t do this to her. Now, I think it’s time you left, don’t you? This town’s only really big enough for one manipulative bitch. Take care, sweetie.
Summer: Yakuza? Were you with Taylor?
Seth: She’s having an emotional crisis.
Summer: Yeah, well she’s about to have a physical one.
Seth: Summer, she thinks you’re her friend.
Summer: What? She is crazy. I hate her.
Seth: I know! You along with everyone else.
Summer: How bad do you want to go home right now and watch that movie?
Seth: So bad it might actually kill me.
Ryan: If you want to fight, you’re going to have to kill me. So what’s it gonna be? Come on!
Volchok: Alright! Alright. Let’s go, man. This guy’s crazy.
Sandy: I fired four people today. I’m not sure I’m cut out for this job.
Kirsten: I’m glad you’re upset.
Sandy: Good pep talk!
Kirsten: It means you care.
Sandy: I forget. You are your father’s daughter.
Kirsten: No. I’m your wife.
Sandy: Good answer.
Marissa: You really wanted to hit him, huh?
Ryan: No, I’m fine. {pause} Well, I didn’t hit him. And I think that’s the most important thing.