The Distance
Ryan: Hey, so, ah, I was thinking.
Seth: I was thinking too. You know they don’t have a water polo team here. That’s gonna be a problem for me.
Ryan: How’d you make it all the way from Newport on that little catamaran?
Seth: Hm. Well, Ryan, sit down, my son. motions for him to sit down. It was a long and torturous journey, and I’m not gonna, I’m not gonna sugar coat any details with you—
Ryan: Please don’t.
Seth: —’cause we’re friends. First, I sailed to Catalina. Then, I sailed to Santa Barbara. Santa Barbara, I ran out of snacks. Freaked out a little bit, pawned my boat for cash, took a Greyhound to Portland.
Ryan: You took a bus.
Seth: Yeah. But don’t say it like that, cause it was a local. Okay, have you ever been in one of those? Okay, not for the faint of heart.
Ryan: I can’t believe after all that you took a bus.
Seth: Yeah. I think we’re definitely going to have to come up with a better story for school though, that’d be good.
Ryan: I don’t know, I like the bus idea. It’s cool.
Seth: Okay, what about maybe… boat sank, saved by whales? It’s very Whale Rider.
Ryan: What else you got?
Seth: I took a boat, boat sank, saved by a mermaid?
Ryan: Splash.
Seth: Boat sank, stranded on a desert island…
The Way We Were
Seth: We cannot go.
Ryan: We can’t not go.
Seth: We can so not go.
The New Kid on the Block
Ryan: Looks like Summer was way off base. {Seth looks perplexed} Accusing you of making everything about you.
Seth: My god, she is right.
Seth: I’m like a monster, dude. I’m all I think about. And not in a good way.
Ryan: There’s a good way?
Seth: Please, dude. I just need to talk about me for like several more hours at least.
Ryan: I thought you didn’t do that anymore.
Seth: That was the new Seth Cohen. I’m back, Ryan. Cohen Classic. Red, white, and me.
The SnO.C.
Seth: Ryan Atwood, are you scared of a girl?
Ryan: No, I just, I just might like her, and I don’t know, every time there’s a big party to go to…
Seth: Everything goes terribly awry?
Ryan: Yeah.
Ryan: You’re not really the fist-fighting type.
Seth: You’re not really the type to be scared of girls.
The Family Ties
Seth: Hey man, what’s going on?
Ryan: Studying.
Seth: Will you punch someone, please? For old time’s sake? Alright, fine. Logarithms are the new uppercut. I got it.
Ryan: You realize we’re both screwed.
Seth: Dude, I’m wearing a wifebeater.
Seth: Hello. I just came by to tell you I’m dying and and thank you for your friendship. And also to apologize for whatever happened last night.
Ryan: Well you don’t have to apologize to me. Have you talked to Zach?
Seth: No. Why?
Ryan: Ah, you kind of destroyed his relationship with Summer.
Seth: Oh. I violated the Code of Man.
Ryan: Talked to Alex?
Seth: She won’t answer my calls.
Ryan: Hm. Might have something to do with all the vomit.
Seth: All the vomit? How much vomit? Like, the little girl in Sixth Sense or the fat guy in Monty Python?
Ryan: Well, you wanted to be a bad boy. You did bad.
The Power of Love
Seth: If you’re alone, cough twice.
Ryan: I’m alone.
Seth: Okay, it’s not as stealth but it works too.
Ryan: Where are you?
Seth: Well remember last night when I said I was going to bed?
Ryan: Didn’t happen, huh?
Seth: Ah, no, it did. Just not my bed. But I did bring my favorite pillow.
The Accomplice
Ryan: How’d it go with Zach?
Seth: Well great until Summer came over and discovered my sketchbook.
Ryan: What’d she do?
Seth: Well I thought she was going to get a restraining order, but it turns out she’s just gonna get her own action figure.
The Second Chance
Ryan: Is this about Alex?
Seth: Ah, no no. She’s merely kitchen table fodder at this point. She’s no longer up to pool house standard.
The Lonely Hearts Club
Seth: I’d be a little more confident of me and Summer… if we hadn’t made out.
Ryan: You guys made out?
Seth: No.
The Test
Seth: Do you not see what’s going on here?
Ryan: Yes. You’re wallowing.
Ryan about Seth’s obsession with Zach and Summer: No, Seth, you can’t ask her. It’s weird and it’s creepy and it’s none of your business.
The Rainy Day Women
Seth: Unless I can think of one last grand romantic gesture, Summer’s gone.
Ryan: Wow. You know, I remember when I first heard about Summer. We were sailing and you said you named your boat after her.
Which I thought was a little weird considering you never actually talked to her.
Seth: Eureka, Ryan! I can’t believe I just said Eureka. That’s it!
Ryan: What’s it?
Seth: The way to win her back. The grand romantic gesture that’s gonna put Zachary’s Euro-Trip to shame. I shall take her on a sailing adventure aboard the Summer Breeze.
Ryan: Except you sold the boat for bus fare.
Seth: I did. Dammit. Eureka, Ryan! I shall buy back the Summer Breeze! Yes.
Ryan: Uh huh. Except with what money?
Seth: Okay, if I wanted my parade rained on, I would just step outside. Let me ask you, man. Do you like the shape of the idea, even.
Ryan: Definitely.
Seth: Okay great. So all I need is money. Hang on. Yes, got the answer. But before I say Eureka again, do you see any other potential flaws or holes in my plan?
Ryan: No.
Seth: Then Eureka, Ryan! Eu-friggin-reka!
The Mallpisode
Ryan: This thing with Lindsay is… different.
Seth: Different how?
Ryan: Different as in not fixed by pancakes. And don’t ask me how I feel about waffles.
Seth: Got it.
The Blaze of Glory
Seth: I gotta say, last year? Better than this year.
[…]
Ryan: Maybe it’s because last year was new.
Ryan: Live in the now, Seth.
Seth: I’m sorry. I’m afraid I can’t do that.
The Rager
Seth: Hey, you know this is actually our first conversation in the pool house since Marissa left.
Ryan: Let’s not talk about Marissa.
Seth: What? C’mon, we did me, let’s go around the horn.
The O.C. Confidential
Seth: Okay, so then when the cops showed up and asked who’s responsible for the girl floating in the pool, he was like, what? “I’m an ex-con on parole. I know, I’ll say me.”
Ryan: No, I think that when the cops showed up and went to put the cuffs on Marissa he did what he had to do to stop them.
Seth: What makes you say that?
Ryan: I was about to do the same thing.
Seth: Sure. The compulsive need to rescue Marissa Cooper must be in the Atwood DNA.
Ryan: It would explain a lot.
Seth: Are you thinking of going undercover in a high school sting operation? Because that would be very 21 Jump Street of you.
Ryan: Whatever it takes.
Seth: Yeah, okay. I get to be Richard Grieco.
The Return of the Nana
Seth: I don’t believe it, Ryan. Bright Eyes has two albums in the top ten.
Ryan: You okay with that?
Seth: Yeah I just feel like the rest of the world’s finally caught up to me. It’s a little bit scary.
Ryan: Yeah, it’s a lot scary.
Seth: Tell me I’m still special.
Ryan: What about you and Summer?
Seth: I’m going to go over there, I’m gonna apologize—extremely sincerely—then get out of town before I can do anything else wrong.
The O.Sea
As Seth comes to visit Ryan in the early morning
Ryan: What time is it?
Seth: It’s 5:30… ish.
Ryan: You’re showing up earlier and earlier.
Seth: Yeah, well, we have a lot of ground to cover, so I figured, since we’re both up, we may as well get a jump on it.
Seth: Something occurred to me. A new wrinkle.
Ryan: Prom?
Seth: Yeah. And I have to convince Summer to go with me. We as a couple, Ryan, must partake in the magical rite of passage known as prom.
Seth: Look, just because you saw Trey leaving Marissa’s does not mean they’re hooking up.
Ryan: Yeah? What does it mean?
Seth: Maybe he went over there to borrow something. Like a book. Or one of her News Boy caps.
Ryan: Yeah, or maybe they hooked up.
Seth: Okay, just married to the worst possible scenario.
Ryan: I’m going to talk to her about it today, but whatever happened she seems dead set on keeping it from me.
The phone rings
Seth: Kind of early for a phone call.
Ryan: Kind of early for a lot of things.
Seth: Maybe I’ve seen too many Saved by the Bells, but if it’s taught me anything, it sure has taught
me that prom is this seminal moment. Okay? It’s meant to be shared.
Ryan: Is this about you and Summer?
Seth: No. Maybe. I don’t— Yes, but only because Summer and I aren’t going to go to our prom because of some stupid fight. So, you should really learn from the error of my ways. Please. Somebody really should.
The Dearly Beloved
Ryan: How are you doing?
Seth: Well, I was depressed. Now I’m depressed and confused.
Ryan: A rehab center. Where’d you get this?
Seth: My dad’s office. I don’t think he’s trying to kick bagels.
Ryan: I don’t think it’s for your dad.
Seth: This whole floating in the pool thing is not really helping.
Ryan: Yeah, I hear you.
Seth: Neither is video games or the wisdom of Chuck Klosterman.
Ryan: You know, we should get out of the house. Hit up an old age home, some shuffleboard action.
Seth: I’m not really in the mood for old people.
Ryan: IMAX movie? Something with sharks?
Seth: Eh, I don’t really like sharks. {doorbell rings} The way things have been going, I bet that’s Oliver.