Everything Changes
Jack: Tell me, what was it like when you died? What did you see? John, tell me what you saw.
Suzie Costello: Ten seconds.
John: Nothing. I saw nothing. Oh my god, there’s nothing.
Gwen: But those people last night—the people in the car. Who were they? What’s Torchwood?
PC Andy: ‘Don’t know. Special Ops.
Gwen: Yeah, but what does that mean?
PC Andy: Bet you ten quid they’re DNA specialists. It’s all DNA these days. Like that CSI bollocks. CSI: Cardiff, I’d like to see that. They’d be measuring the velocity of a kebab.
Yvonne: No sign of Captain Jack Harkness.
Gwen: Did you search outside Cardiff?
Yvonne: No, that never even occurred to me. Of course I did. I went nationwide. There’s about 15 Jacks and Johns with that surname. None of them’s a Captain.
Gwen: Suppose he could have made it up.
Yvonne: The only Captain Jack Harkness on record is American.
Gwen: That’s it—he’s American.
Yvonne: Which you forgot to tell me.
Gwen: So who is he?
Yvonne: American volunteer. Royal Air Force. RAF Squadron. Except he disappeared. Vanished off the records, and presumed dead.
Gwen: When was that?
Yvonne: 1941 at the height of the Blitz. On the morning of January 21, 1941, Captain Jack Harkness failed to report for duty. Never seen again until now. What’s going on, Gwen? You seeing ghosts?
Suzie Costello: You must have been freezing out there. How long were you walking ’round? Three hours?
Gwen: You could see me?
Suzie: Mm hm.
Day One
Carys: I wish I’d never met you. I wish I was dead. No, I wish you were dead. Call me back.
Carys: You broke my ship.
Gwen: C’mon then. Where are you from and why are you trying to invade Earth? Because you can forget about enslaving us.
Carys: Who said anything about “enslavin'”?
Gwen: Well that’s what you lot do, aliens…. Isn’t it?
Carys: Do you love me, Eddie? Did you ever love me?
Eddie: No.
Carys: You could’ve saved yourself.
Eddie: What?
Clinic Donor: I’m asking you to get out.
Carys: Just relax. I can help.
Clinic Donor: I don’t think so, love. I’m gay.
Ghost Machine
Dad, visitors. It’s the police.
Tom Erasmus Flanagan: Oh! Caught up with me at last, have you?
Cyberwoman
Dr. Tanizaki: My god. It’s not possible. One of them survived!
Ianto: This is Lisa.
Dr. Tanizaki: Tell me, what happened?
Ianto: She worked for Torchwood London. It was the end of the Canary Wharf battle. The Cybermen needed soldiers fast. They started upgrading whole bodies instead of transplanting brains, using earth technology. Lisa was halfway through the process when the machine was shut down.
Dr. Tanizaki: Amazing. Perhaps fifty-five percent augmentation. With forty-five percent waiting completion. Or perhaps, sixty-forty. It’s fascinating.
Dr. Tanizaki: What is the last thing you remember before coming here?
Lisa: Pain. I remember my body burning with pain.
Dr. Tanizaki: Sometimes in order to save what we love we have to risk losing it.
Ianto: What happened?
Lisa: His upgrade failed.
Small Worlds
Estelle: Fairies are shy, you see. But I know in my heart that they’re friendly, loving creatures. She ends the lecture. Thank you.
Jack: Wrong. She always gets it wrong.
Gwen: Well I suppose one person’s good could be somebody else’s evil.
Estelle: That’s what his father used to say.
Lynn: You must never walk home alone. Do you understand? It’s not safe.
Jasmine: It’s alright, mum. No one can hurt me.
Estelle: Jack contacted me a few years ago. I was so surprised. So like his dad. Same walk, same smile. I hope he’s still alive. He’d be in his early 90s now.
Estelle: You were right, Jack. There are bad ones. They’ve come to me.
Jack: Estelle, we’re on our way. Stay where you are. Don’t go anywhere near them. Do you understand?
Lynn: So who are they?
Jasmine: Just friends.
Lynn: You should have invited them to the party.
Jasmine: They don’t like parties.
Lynn: I’m not surprised, if they live in trees.
Countrycide
Tosh: Who is he?
Evan: He’s meat. I’m afraid we’re all just meat.
Tosh: They’re all involved. They’ve all been doing it.
Evan: This is our harvest.
Owen: Only in the bloody countryside. You sick fuckers.
Greeks Bearing Gifts
Soldier with some issues to Mary: Do whores have prayers?
Mary: Um, listen, don’t think it’s in any way organized. It’s really just a disparate bunch of IT guys who live with their mothers.
Tosh: I’ve never seen anything like this. It’s incredible!
Mary: It’s more than incredible. With this you can read people’s minds. It levels the pitch between man and God.
Tosh: What is this thing? Why did you give it to me?
Mary: I told you.
Tosh: The things I heard. What they thought of me, they really thought. God, these are people that are supposed to like me!
Mary: They do like you. People are complicated.
Tosh: I wouldn’t say your thoughts are exactly pure.
Mary: At least they’re consistent.
Tosh: What you’re thinking now, that’s pretty graphic.
Mary: That wasn’t my thought.
Tosh: What?
Mary: I wasn’t thinking anything. That wasn’t my thought. It must have been yours.
Tosh: I read your thoughts. I didn’t see this. What else are you keeping from me?
Mary: What can be bigger than this?
Mary: You smell… different. To them.
Jack: That’s nothing. It’s when you compare teeth with a British guy, that’s when it’s really scary.
Mary: What are you?
Jack: I don’t know.
They Keep Killing Suzie
Detective Swanson: At last, you must be Torchwood. My team bitch about you all the time.
Jack: And you are?
Detective Swanson: Detective Swanson.
Jack: I’m Captain Jack Harkness.
Detective Swanson: So I’ve heard. Tell me something, are you always this dressy for a murder investigation?
Jack: What, you’d rather me naked?
Detective Swanson: God help me. The stories are true.
Detective Swanson: Looks like somebody wants your attention.
Jack: They’ve got it.
Detective Swanson: It was only a matter of time.
Jack: What was?
Detective Swanson: Torchwood walks all over this city like you own it. Now these people are paying the price.
Suzie: Jack? Oh my god! There’s a knife in my chest. Did you kill me?
Jack: You killed yourself, remember?
Suzie: Oh my god, I shot myself.
Jack: We’ve got to ask you about Pilgrim.
Suzie: Wait a minute, didn’t I kill you?
Jack: Never mind that. We need names and details.
Suzie: Who’s using the glove?
Gwen: I’m sorry.
Suzie: Wouldn’t you know it, Gwen bloody Cooper.
Suzie: Owen. Hello. Scared to face me?
Owen: You frighten the shit out of me, yeah.
Suzie: What about Toshiko? Is she still here?
Owen: Yeah, she’s here. All the gang. Happy days.
Suzie: It’s all my fault, isn’t it? It never bloody stops being my fault. Can’t you just let me die?
Jack: You don’t get off that easy.
Suzie: Yeah, you did warn me right at the beginning. to Gwen: He said this is the one job you can never quit.
Suzie: Funny thing is, you always imagine when you’re dead, “Oh they’re gonna miss me at work. Indispensable.” And look what happened. I got replaced. By someone better. You got that glove working better than I did.
Gwen: I just got lucky.
Suzie: No, it’s more than that. The others, they prefer you.
Gwen: Don’t say that.
Suzie: You got my job. Almost like you planned it.
Gwen: Except I didn’t. And I’m sorry but I’ve got my own function at Torchwood. And I’m a lot more than just a replacement.
Suzie: Have you slept with Owen? silence. There you go. Replace me completely.
Detective Swanson on speakerphone: Alright, Captain Jack, just say that one more time. Nice and clear.
Jack: We’re locked in our base and we can’t get out.
Gwen: So what’s out there?
Suzie: Nothing. Just nothing.
Gwen: But if there’s nothing, what’s the point of it all?
Suzie: This is. Driving through the dark. All this stupid tiny stuff. We’re just animals howling in the night. ‘Cause it’s better than silence.
Gwen: So when you die, it’s just—
Suzie: Darkness.
Gwen: And you’re all alone, there’s no one else?
Suzie: I didn’t say that.
Gwen: What d’you mean?
Suzie: Why do you think I’m so desperate to come back? There’s something out there… in the dark. And it’s moving.
Swanson: “Success is counted sweetest by those who ne’er succeed.” Christ, she was a bundle of laughs.
Gwen: What’s happening to me?
Suzie: Sorry, Gwen. You’re getting shot in the head. Slowly. Believe me, it hurts. checking her own wound. I’m almost better. Completely gone soon.
Suzie: “Captain, my Captain.” Do you want to know a secret? There’s something moving in the dark and it’s coming, Jack Harkness. It’s coming for you.
Random Shoes
Eugene Jones: The speed of light is two hundred and ninety-nine million, seven hundred and ninety-two thousand, four hundred and fifty-eight meters per second. Pain travels through the body at three hundred and fifty feet per second. Even a sneeze can reach a hundred miles an hour. And as for life? Well, that just bloody whizzes by. So then. This is me. Eugene Jones.
Eugene: …That was the night Dad went away. But it was okay because I had the eye. And the possibility of an alien encounter. I mean, if you leave something really important behind, you come back and get it. Don’t you? God, I wanted that alien to come back and claim his eye more than I wanted anything in my life! I worked out the possible provenance, the life form and galaxy. Planetary escape velocities, launch windows, necessary fuel capacities. And then, I waited…
Eugene: All those cars. All those lives moving through space. All that humanity whizzing by in a frenzy of… burgers and chips, bank holiday fun, burst tires, screaming kids. And sudden heart attacks. Apart from a buzzing in my ear where Josh whacked me, I felt good. I was running across a field on a Saturday morning. The smell of exhaust and banana milkshake. A slight nausea, heart beating too fast ’cause I wasn’t that fit. All the stuff that tells you you’re alive. By rights, I should be well pissed off. My mates had cheated me and I didn’t meet any aliens. But I realized that when I swallowed the eye at the Happy Cook, I was given a chance to look back on my life and see it for what it really was.
Eugene: In an average lifetime, the human heart will beat two million times. You’ll produce over eight thousand gallons of saliva, and grow three hundred and fifty miles of hair. You’ll eat the equivalent in weight of six elephants. Ah, isn’t life amazing!
Gwen: It is so good to see you! Eugene, you’re on my leg!
Eugene: Goodbye Gwen.
Gwen: Don’t go now, Eugene. Eugene, please don’t go now. Eugene, please! Please!
Eugene: The average life is full of near misses and absolute hits. Of great love and small disasters. It’s made up of banana milkshakes, loft insulation and random shoes. It’s dead ordinary and truly, truly amazing. What you’ve got to realize is, it’s all here, now. So breathe deep and swallow it whole. Because take it from me: life just whizzes by, and then, all of a sudden, it’s—
Out of Time
Jack: Your background story should incorporate the skills you already have. For instance, John, you could have run a corner shop.
John: No.
Jack: We can fake references.
John: You can’t take away our names. For God’s sake, man, it’s all we’ve got left. My son’s name. It’s the name above my shop.
Jack: You’re right. I didn’t think. You should keep your name.
Diane Harris amazed at the door opening: How did it do that?
Ianto: It’s automatic. It knows you’re there.
Diane: But how?
Ianto: There are wave bouncing detectors which emit high-frequency radio waves and then look for reflections—
Diane: Bananas!
Ianto: Of course bananas are far more interesting.
Emma: How much food money have I got left?
Ianto: Fifteen pound 40. totaling up her candy haul. Twelve pounds 10. You’ll ruin your teeth.
Emma: You sound like my mum.
Ianto: Welcome to the wonderful world of scantily-dressed celebrities.
John scandalized by the magazine cover: There’s children around!
Ianto: She’s a children’s TV presenter.
Diane: Can I take her up?
Owen: No. You could get arrested. You haven’t got a license.
Diane: But I— Bugger. It’s no longer valid.
John: That’s an American accent, isn’t it?
Jack: That’s right.
John: How do you end up here. Doing whatever it is that you do?
Jack: It’s a long story.
John: I’m a slow drinker.
Owen: Let me get this straight. You expect equality and chivalry?
Diane: I don’t see why they should be mutually exclusive.
Diane: Do you have a girlfriend?
Owen: No.
Diane: So. Who do all those beauty products belong to?
Owen: Me, actually.
Diane: No.
Owen: Real men can moisturize too, you know.
Gwen: It’s like two worlds. There’s Torchwood, and then there’s real life.
Emma: That’s why you’ve got to let me go.
John: Who are you?
Jack: A man like you out of his time. Alone and scared.
John: How do you cope?
Jack: It’s just bearable. It has to be. I don’t have a choice.
John: But I do. If you won’t help me, let me go with some dignity. Don’t you damn me to live.
John: The thing about love, is that you’re always at its mercy.
Owen: Listen to me, there is no way back. You can’t get home.
Diane: Then it’ll take me somewhere new.
Combat
Mark Lynch: Ask yourself, what’s the point of your life?
Owen: Mark. Mate. I only came here for a beer.
Mark Lynch: It’s closer than you think. Something’s coming. Out there. In the darkness. Something is coming.
Mark: So who are you, Owen?
Owen: Sorry?
Mark: Be pretty stupid not to assume you’re not connected to those two in the black SUV.
Owen: I don’t know what you mean.
Mark: Bloke in the big coat, cute little Asian girl. I was watching. Nice web site by the way. Kudos to whoever did that. Although jellied eels—I’m not sure that was your greatest idea.
Owen laughs: I wasn’t that bad.
Mark: Pretty much you were.
Captain Jack Harkness
Bilis Manger: Do call again.
Jack: I would love to.
The Captain and Jack simultaneously: I’m Captain—
Jack: You go first.
Captain Harkness: I’m Captain Jack Harkness. 133rd Squadron.
Jack: Go after her. Kiss her goodbye. Anything can happen tomorrow.
Captain Harkness: It’s just a routine training exercise. I’m hardly gonna die.
Jack: That’s when they catch you, when you least expect it. You don’t know what’s ahead. Kiss her goodbye.
End of Days
Rhys about the global incidents: Do you think it is terrorists?
Gwen: Terrorists bomb things. This is different.
Woman on TV: People didn’t believe us. Now they should. This is the end of days.
Andy: Alright, Mulder and Scully. Say I do believe you, which I don’t, because it’s bollocks. But say do. How exactly are we meant to handle a prisoner from two thousand years ago? I mean has he got the same rights as everyone else? How is this going to work with the CPS?
Andy: Everyone’s saying it, you know. In work, on the streets. Do you think this is the end of the world?
Gwen smiling reassuringly: Oh, Andy, don’t be silly. Do you think the world’s gonna end on your shift?
Andy: I’ve seen you use that smile on a lot of people.
Gwen: What smile?
Andy: The smile you use to reassure people when deep down you know everything’s gone to shit.
Lisa: There’s only one way to stop this, before things get worse. People will die, Ianto. Thousands of people. Unless you open the Rift.
Bilis: From out of the darkness, he is come.
Gwen: What is he talking about?
Bilis: Son of the Great Beast. Cast out before time, chained in rock and imprisoned beneath the rift.
Gwen: What?!
Bilis: All hail Abaddon, the Great Devourer. Come to feast on life! The whole world shall die beneath his shadow.