Steven on the phone: It sure seemed like it took a long time. I don’t know, about maybe two and a half minutes or so. Lloyd looks disgusted
Lloyd: You don’t have a girlfriend, Steven. You slept with a girl. Big difference.
Steven: Yeah but it’s different, ’cause we kind of share a bond, you know? It was awesome because we both lost our virginity together.
Lloyd: You lost your virginity, Steven. She didn’t lose a damn thing.
Professor Duggan (Fred Willard): What is is wrong with you people? Do you think you’re going to be able to succeed in this world without knowledge of history? Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it.
Marshall: So I’ll repeat the Bay of Pigs?
Hillary: Hey, Lloyd. I was thinking that maybe this transition is kind of difficult for you. You’ve come from such a far away place. So if you ever need anything I’m in room 1016, top floor. ‘Cause we like it on top. It’s just a motto that I came up with. And we’re making sweatshirts, it’s going to be really cool.
Ron: I don’t believe it. The head RA wants to nail you.
Lloyd: I know.
Ron: Look, don’t do it. Okay? If she turns on you she could use her powers to destroy us both.
Lloyd: She was super cute.
Ron: She was nuts, she’s nuts.
Lloyd: I like that.
Professor Duggan: When I’m lecturing I expect you to listen. This is not high school. You’re paying good money for an education.
Marshall: Well, yeah, that’s the whole point. I am paying good money and I think you should try to be a little less boring.
Hal: Look at your mother, she seemed completely sane at the beginning. Now this chick you like, I mean she’s already starting it halfway nuts.
Lloyd: All women are fair game until they’re married. Most of them even after that.
Lizzie: It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you, I’m just telling you it’s not a good time.
Eric: Well it’s not a good time for me. Because Sabrina, the Teenage Witch is on, and I guess she’ll have to do!
Ron: Lucien, my roommate’s been asleep for two days, now. Is that— that’s bad, right?
Lucien: Wha-? My god man, where is he?
Ron: This way.
Lucien: Two days in a row?
Eric: You better shut up, man, or I’m going to Van Damme your head.
Lloyd: You know what, Hillary? We can’t do this.
Hillary: Why?
Lloyd: Because I have herpes.
Hillary: So what? I do too! Everybody does.
Lloyd: Yeah, but you know what, I just— you’re an RA, I’m a student I— What if someone was to see? I don’t—
Hillary: I’ll go fast like a man. Just give it!
Ron: That’s great. Lloyd. She took my apple. And now we’re on her radar. Why do you do this?
Lloyd: I guess I’m just a very mixed-up little girl, Ron.