Season One
Man: Are you familiar with an agent named Fox Mulder?
Scully: Yes, I am.
Man: How so?
Scully: By reputation. He’s an Oxford-educated psychologist, who wrote a monograph on serial killers and the occult that helped catch Monty Props in 1988. Generally thought of as the best analyst in the violent crimes section. He had a nickname at the academy. Spooky Mulder.
Director: The reason you’re here, Agent Scully, is we want you to assist Agent Mulder on these X-Files. You will write field reports on your activities along with your observations on the validity of the work.
Scully: Am I to understand that you want me to de-bunk the X-Files project, sir?
Director: Agent Scully, we trust you’ll make the proper scientific analysis. You’ll want to contact Agent Mulder shortly. We look forward to seeing your reports.
Director: Agent Mulder. What are his thoughts?
Scully: Agent Mulder believes we are not alone.
Director: Thank you, Agent Scully. That will be all.
Scully: Mulder did you see their eyes? If I were that stoned—
Mulder: Woo! If you were that stoned what?
Scully: Mulder, you could have shown that kid a picture of a flying hamburger and he would have told you that’s exactly what he saw.
Scully: Just because I can’t explain it doesn’t mean I’m going to believe they’re UFOs.
Mulder: Unidentified Flying Objects. I think that fits the description pretty well. Tell me I’m crazy.
Scully: Mulder, you’re crazy.
Mossinger: You do anything stupid and this situation could get big in a hurry.
Scully: Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that.
Scully: We don’t know anything. Anything more than when we got here. And that’s what I’m going to write in my field report. Let’s get out of here, Mulder. As fast as we can.
Scully: Is this what it takes to climb the ladder, Colton?
Colton: All the way to the top.
Scully: Then I can’t wait ’til you fall off and land on your ass.
Mulder about the centerfold: This woman claims to have been taken aboard a spaceship and held in an anti-gravity chamber without food and water for three days.
Scully: Anti-gravity is right.
Scully: Well it’s not hard to see why they mistook you for a vagrant.
Mulder: You gonna rag on me or you gonna take me to get me something to eat?
Scully: Am I buying or did you manage to panhandle some spare change while you were at it?
Mulder: Don’t you have a life, Scully?
Scully: Keep it up, Mulder, and I’ll hurt you like that beast woman.
Mulder: Hey Scully, do you believe in an afterlife?
Scully: I’d settle for a life in this one.
Scully: It’s headline news how much this guy despised Drake.
Mulder: That just seems too obvious. To kill Drake would be so brazenly egomaniacal.
Scully: And fully consistent with Jerry’s excellent behavioral profile.
Dr. Hodge: Forty-five minutes after they evacuated us they torched the place. There’s nothing left
Scully: Who did that?
Dr. Hodge: The military, Centers for Disease Control. You oughta know. They’re your people.
Mulder: It’s still there, Scully. Two hundred thousand years down. In the ice.
Scully: Leave it there.
Scully: Mulder, why would alien beings travel light years to Earth in order to play “doctor” on cattle?
Mulder: For the same reason we cut up frogs and monkeys. Besides, they seem to have stepped up their interest.
Scully: I forgot what it was like to spend a day in court.
Mulder: That’s one of the luxuries to hunting down aliens and genetic mutants. You rarely get to press charges.
Scully: “Three pipe problem”?
Mulder: That’s from Sherlock Holmes. It’s a private joke.
Scully: How private?
Mulder: Um… we knew each other in school in England. She was brilliant and… I got in over my head and, uh, paid the price.
Scully: Mulder, you just keep unfolding like a flower.
Mulder: That was over ten years ago, Scully.
Scully: Yeah, I noticed how you couldn’t drop everything fast enough in order to help her out.
Mulder: I was merely extending her a professional courtesy.
Scully: Oh, is that what you were extending?
Scully with an English accent: Care to take me to lunch? Scare you?
Mulder: You have no idea.
William Scully (Don S. Davis): Are you going to leave this up all year?
Scully: Yep, all year. Since you always made us take the Christmas tree down the day after Christmas I’m making up for lost time.
Scully: If your idea of a good time is to pick up dried pine needles, treat yourself.
Maggie Scully: As if he’s an authority on having a good time.
Scully: Good sailing, Ahab.
William Scully: Good night, Starbuck.
Scully: Dad? I thought you guys left. Where’s mom? {the phone rings} Hello?
Maggie Scully: Dana?
Scully: Mom? What’s the matter?
Maggie Scully: We, um… we lost your dad. He had a massive coronary about an hour ago. He’s gone.
Scully: Last time you were that engrossed it turned out you were reading the Adult Video News.
Scully: I know that you and Dad were… disappointed that I chose the path I’m on instead of medicine. But I need to know. Was he at all proud of me?
Maggie Scully: He was your father.
Scully: You set us up. You’re in on this with Lucas Henry. This was a trap for Mulder because he helped put you away. Well I came here to tell you, that if he dies because of what you’ve done, four days from now nobody will stop me from being the one that’ll throw the switch and gas you out of this life for good, you son of a bitch!
Luther Lee Boggs: This cold dark place, Scully, Mulder’s lookin’ in on it right now.
Scully: It may be a cold, dark place for you. But it’s not for Mulder. And it’s not for my father.
Scully: Luther, if you really were psychic—
Luther Lee Boggs: I’d have known you lied. That they’ never was a deal. I know you tried. {she starts to leave.} Scully, avoid the Devil. Don’t follow Henry to the Devil. Leave that to me.
Scully: I’m afraid. I’m afraid to believe.
Mulder: You couldn’t face that fear? Even if it meant never knowing what your father wanted to tell you?
Scully: But I do know.
Mulder: How?
Scully: He was my father.
Scully: So what is our profile of the killer? Indeterminate height, weight, sex. Unarmed. But extremely attractive.
Scully: Think he was trying to kill me?
Mulder: Maybe it’s the sex that kills.
Scully: Well if he was trying to kill me, why did they let us go?
Mulder: I don’t know.
Mulder: How well do you know him?
Scully: We dated for almost a year. He was my instructor at the Academy.
Mulder: The plot thickens.
Scully about Willis’ watch: It’s not working. It stopped. At 6:47.
Mulder: The exact time that Jack went into cardiac arrest at the hospital.
Scully: What does that mean?
Mulder: It means…. It means whatever you want it to mean.
Scully: Mulder, I know what you did wasn’t by the book.
Mulder: Tells you a lot about the book, doesn’t it?
Byers: You don’t believe that the CIA, threatened by a loss of power and funding because of the collapse of the Cold War, wouldn’t dream of having the old enemy back.
Scully: I think you give the government too much credit.
Scully: Those were the most paranoid people I have ever met. I don’t know how you could think that what they say is even remotely plausible.
Mulder: I think it’s remotely plausible that someone might think you’re hot.
Scully: Mulder the truth is out there. But so are lies.
Scully: Did he buy you all that jewelry too? I think there’s something missing in your story, Samuel.
Samuel: Do you doubt the power of God, ma’am?
Scully: No. But I doubt the voracity of your claims.
Scully: Mulder, what is it?
Mulder: It was a girl.
Scully: Who, Jessica Hahn?
Scully: Apparently miracles don’t come cheap.
Scully: I was raised a Catholic, and I have a certain… familiarity with the Scripture. And God never lets the Devil steal the show.
Mulder: You must have really liked The Exorcist.
Scully: One of my favorite movies.
Scully: Mulder, since we’ve been here you’ve acted as if you’ve expected to find every piece of evidence that we’ve come across. What aren’t you telling me? Why are we here?
Mulder: A true piece of history, Scully. The very first X-File. Initiated by J. Edgar Hoover himself in 1946.
Scully: I thought we were supposed to be safe in the light!
Mulder: We are. I think the light keeps them from swarming. We’ll be safe as long as we stay in the light.
Assistant Director Walter Skinner (Mitch Pileggi): Agent Scully. We have reviewed your reports and frankly we are quite displeased. Irregular procedure. Untenable evidence. Anonymous witnesses. Inconclusive findings aggravated by vague opinion.
Scully: Sir, the very nature of the X-Files cases often precludes orthodox investigation.
Skinner: Are you suggesting the Bureau adopt separate standards for you and Agent Mulder?
Scully: No, sir.
Skinner: Are you suggesting Agent Mulder obstructs you from proper procedure?
Scully: No, sir. If anything I’m suggesting that these cases be reviewed with an open mind.
Skinner: Maybe your mind has become too open.
Scully: On X-Files cases investigated by Agent Mulder and myself to date we have a conviction or case solution rate of 75%. That’s well above the current Bureau standard.
Skinner: That is your only saving grace.
Mulder: A request for other agents to stake out Tooms would be denied, and then we’d have no grounds.
Scully: Well then I’ll stay here. You go home.
Mulder: They’re out to put an end to the X-Files, Scully. I don’t know why, but any excuse will do. And I don’t really care about my record. But you’d be in trouble just sitting in this car. And I’d hate to see you carrying an official reprimand in your career files because of me.
Scully: Fox, I—
Mulder: I, I even made my parents call me Mulder. Mulder.
Scully: Mulder, I wouldn’t put myself on the line for anybody but you.
Mulder: If there’s an iced tea in that bag, it could be love.
Scully: Must be fate, Mulder. {she pulls out the drink.} Root beer.
Scully: Agent Mulder could not have done it because he was with me.
Skinner: Agent Scully, you wouldn’t be lying to me, would you?
Scully: Sir, I would expect you to put the same trust in me as I do in you.
Lazard (Maggie Wheeler): Scully, could I talk to you for a second?
Scully: I just started the autopsy.
Lazard (Maggie Wheeler): Yeah, um. I don’t think he’s going anywhere.
Mulder: How was the wedding?
Scully: You mean the part where the groom passed out or the dog bit the drummer?
Mulder: Did you catch the bouquet?
Scully: Maybe.
Scully: You must like stars.
Roland Fuller (Zeljko Ivanek): One hundred and forty-seven.
Scully: Sorry?
Roland pointing to her scarf: Stars.
Scully: Now I’ve seen this demonstrated on a fish before.
Mulder: I don’t think they’ll be performing this experiment on Beekman, Scully.
Mulder: You’ve got a brother don’t you, Scully?
Scully: Yeah. I’ve got an older one and a younger.
Mulder: Well have you ever thought about calling one of them all day long and then all the sudden the phone rings and it’s them calling you?
Scully: Does this pitch somehow end with a way for me to lower my long distance charges?
Scully: We’re out here on half-a-hunch, off of a cryptic phone call, chasing down a clue that’s based on nothing but speculation.
Mulder: That’s all we’ve got.
Scully: That’s all he’s given us. Who is this Deep Throat character? I mean, we don’t know anything about him. What his name is, what he does.
Mulder: He’s in a delicate position. He has access to information. An indiscretion could expose him.
Scully: You don’t know that this isn’t just a game with him. He’s toying with you. Rationing out the facts.
Mulder: Do you think he does it because he gets off on it?
Scully: No. I think he does it because you do.
Mulder shows her the Purity Control flask: What do you think this is?
Scully: I don’t know.
Mulder: Can you find out for me?
Scully: What are you going to do?
Mulder: See what else I can find out about Terrance Allen Berube.
Scully: Okay Mulder. But I’m warning you. If this is monkey pee, you’re on your own.
Scully: I’ve got something for you.
Mulder: Is it smaller than a silver Sierra?
Scully: Much. And it’s not silver. It’s green.
Mulder: What is it?
Scully: Some kind of bacteria. Each containing virus. And it looks like Berube may have been cloning them.
Scully: Mulder, I just want to say that I was wrong.
Mulder: That’s all right. Don’t worry about it.
Scully: No. If you had listened to me we wouldn’t be here right now. I should know by now to trust your instincts.
Mulder: Why? Nobody else does.
Guard: Project password?
Scully: Purity Control.
Deep Throat: I’ll take the parcel.
Scully: No sir. I’ll make the exchange.
Deep Throat: I made the deal, Scully. They’re expecting me.
Scully: I don’t trust you.
Deep Throat: You’ve got no one else to trust.
Scully: I don’t know who you are. I know nothing about you.
Deep Throat: Oh for gods sake, don’t screw this up! Let me tell you something you should know. In 1987 a group of children from a Southern state were given what their parents thought was a routine innoculation. What they were injected with was a cloned DNA from the contents of that package you’re holding as a test. That’s the kind of people you’re dealing with.
Scully: So why give it back to them?
Deep Throat: To save Mulder’s life.
Scully: At the risk of so many other’s lives?
Deep Throat: Tip of the iceberg. You and Mulder are the only ones who can bring it to light. Now give me the parcel. {the van pulls up.} Give me the parcel, Scully.
Mulder: They’re shutting us down, Scully.
Scully: What?
Mulder: They called me in tonight. And they said they’re going to reassign us to other sections.
Scully: Who told you that?
Mulder: Skinner. He said word came down from the top of the Executive branch.
Scully: Mulder—
Mulder: It’s over, Scully.
Scully: Well you have to lodge a protest. They can’t—
Mulder: Yes they can.
Scully: What are you going to do?
Mulder: I’m not going to give up. I can’t give up. Not as long as the truth is out there.
Season Two
Scully: The X-Files have been terminated, Mulder. We have been reassigned. And what makes you think they care about us anymore anyway?
Mulder: So why have you bothered to come here covertly?
Scully: Because I realized it was the only way that you’d see me.
Mulder: So what do you want?
Scully: To know that you’re all right.
Assistant Director Walter Skinner (Mitch Pileggi): When did you last see Agent Mulder?
Scully: Yesterday.
Skinner: Where?
Scully: In the bullpen hallway.
Skinner: Did you speak with him?
Scully: No. Is he in some kind of trouble?
Skinner: Agent Mulder failed to appear at his assignment this morning. His whereabouts are unknown.
Scully: Sir, I’ll volunteer my time to assist in any search.
Scully: Mulder we have to go. Evidence is worthless if you’re dead!
Mulder: The entire tape is blank.
Scully: You know an electrical surge in the outlet during the storm may have degaussed everything. Erasing the entire tape. You still have nothing.
Mulder: I may not have the X-Files, Scully, but I still have my work. I still have you. I still have myself.
Scully: Is this seat taken?
Mulder: No. But I should warn you, I’m experiencing violent impulses.
Scully: Well I’m armed, so I’ll take my chances.
Mulder: It’s an exercise. Skinner is just rubbing my nose in this one. There’s nothing to it.
Scully: There’s a dead body, isn’t there?
Scully: This creature, or whatever it is, is transmitting its eggs or larvae through its bites.
Mulder: You mean it’s trying to reproduce?
Scully: It’s looking for hosts. It attacks because the victim’s bodies provide generative mourishment. Mulder, if it find a new host—
Mulder: I know, Scully. It could multiply.
Scully: Mulder, nature didn’t make this thing. We did.
Mulder: I know these. These are from Chernobyl.
Scully: That creature came off of a decomissioned Russian freighter that was used in the disposal of salvage material from the meltdown. It was born in a primordial soup of radioactive sewage.
Mulder: You know they say three species disappear off the planet every day. You wonder how many new ones are being created.
Mulder: …there have been reported abductee paranoia in UFO mass abduction cases.
Scully reading the report: I was wondering when you’d get to that.
Mulder: I find no evidence of this to be the case.
Scully: I’m sorry, Mulder, he’s right. I’d love to tell you that I flew three hundred miles in the middle night to perform tests that prove that you’re about to become the next Charles Manson, but I find little phsysiological evidence that states that LSDM has toxically affected you.
Mulder: He’s probably one of those people that thinks Elvis is dead.
Scully: Mulder, I was wrong. Exposure to the insecticide does induce paranoia.
Mulder: I think this area is being subjected to a controlled experiment.
Scully: Controlled by who? By the government? By a corporation? By the Reticulans?
Scully: My father spent the better part of his life at sea. He had a healthy respect for the ocean but he never feared it. I see fear in these men’s eyes.
Sheriff Hamilton: You don’t think these tracks were made by the Fiji Mermaid?
Scully: Do you recall what Barnum said about suckers?
Scully: You must be one of those rare individuals whose nerve endings don’t register pain.
Dr. Blockhead: You just keep telling yourself that.
Sheriff Hamilton: May I ask what you’re doing?
Mulder: We’re exhuming… your potato.
Sheriff Hamilton: May I ask why?
Scully: Sheriff, it’s, it’s been documented that many serial killers possess a fascination with police work. Some of them even holding positions on their local force. So surveillance of investigation team members is often utilized as a precautionary—
Mulder: We found out you used to be a dog-faced boy.
Scully: You know, Mulder, for a while there I was beginning to think this case involved something a bit more…
Mulder: Freakish? You really shouldn’t complain about banality, Scully, when your main suspect is the human blockhead.
Season Three
Jose Chung: Alex Trebek? The game show host?
Scully: Mulder didn’t say that it was Alex Trebek. It was just someone that looked incredibly like him.
Jose Chung: Did he? I mean, you were there.
Scully: Well, not exactly. I don’t have any recollection of this. I was surprised to wake up the next morning to find Mulder asleep in my room.
Jose Chung: Oh!
Season Four
Mulder: Do you know where she is?
Scully: In a mental institution.
Mulder: I’d go with you, but I’m afraid they’d lock me up.
Scully: Me too.
Amanda: I didn’t say the baby’s father was an alien. I said he was from another planet. His name is Luke Skywalker and he’s what’s known as a Jedi Knight.
Scully: Did he have a light saber?
Amanda: No. He didn’t bring it.
Season Five
Scully: Sir, unless you want your achievements to end up as a footnote on the Jerry Springer Show, I suggest you make the time.
Dr. Frances Pollidori interested: Jerry Springer Show?
Scully’s version of events:
Scully: Mulder, are you okay?
Mulder dazed: Who’s the black private dick who’s a sex machine with all the chicks? Shaft! Can ya dig it? They say this cat Shaft is a bad mutha— Shut yo’ mouth! I’m talkin’ bout Shaft!
Mulder over: I did not!
Season Six
Scully: I want you to do me a favor. It’s not negotiable. Either you do it or I kill you, you understand?
Scully: I’d kiss you if you weren’t so damn ugly.
Morris (as Mulder) yelling out the window: Take a picture. It’ll last longer.
Mulder (as Morris): If I … shoot him is that murder or suicide?
Scully: Neither, if I do it first.
Mulder: I almost gave up on you.
Scully: Sorry. Check out lines were worse than rush hour one the 95. If I heard Silent Night one more time I was going to start taking hostages.
Scully: Mulder, tell me you didn’t call me out here on Christmas Eve to go ghostbusting with you.
Mulder: Technically speaking, they’re called aparitions.
Scully: Mulder, call it what you want. I’ve got holiday cheer to spread.
Scully: Mulder, it looks like they were shot to death. You know what’s weird?
Mulder: What?
Scully: Mulder, she’s wearing my outfit.
Mulder: How embarrassing.
Scully: Yeah, well you know what? He’s wearing yours.
Scully: Mulder, none of that really happened out there tonight. That was all in our heads, right?
Mulder: Must have been.
Scully: Not that, ah, my only joy in life is proving you wrong.
Mulder: When have you proved me wrong?
Mulder: Scully did you ever have one of those days you wish you could just rewind and start over from the beginning.
Scully: Yes. Frequently.
Mulder: I woke up, I opened my eyes, I was soaking wet—it’s a long story. But I had the distinct sensation that I had lived that moment before.
Scully: Well you may have. Did you do a lot of drinking in college?
Scully: I just can’t decide who lights my fire.
Frohike: That’s it. Alright you dandies, back off! This is Special Agent Dana Scully with the FBI. If you so much as touch her you may be committing a federal offense. Come on.
Morris Fletcher (Michael McKean): We could have had stardust.
Scully: Maybe next time. she slaps his ass.
Morris: Oo.
Scully on the phone with Mulder: What do you mean you didn’t call me? … Oh man. I am going to kick their asses.
Scully: Extraterrestrial visitors from beyond who, apparently, have nothing better to do than buzz one mountain over and over again for 700 years.
Mulder: Sounds like crap when you say it.
Scully: How did you get here?
Mulder: The aliens brought me back here.
Scully: From North Carolina direct to your apartment door? Mulder, you don’t remember getting here, do you? Neither do I.
Mulder: Doesn’t change what happened.
Scully: Mulder, why did you knock? This is your apartment.
Season Seven
Mulder: Maybe. Maybe I’m thinking this was the crime scene.
Scully: You’re saying Mr. Pankow had his brain very neatly removed from his skull right here in this kitchen?
Mulder: It had to happen somewhere.
Scully: But next to the shake machine, Mulder?
Mulder: Well go ahead, Scully. Nay say me. The body of an FBI agent gets disinterred only to climb out on its own and disappear into the Yuletide night.
Scully: See, you had up until there.
Scully: So your theory is?
Mulder: What if this man had some kind of special capabilities? Some kind of genetic predisposition towards rapid healing or tissue regeneration?
Scully: So basically what if we were looking for Wile E. Coyote.
Mulder: Come on, Scully, you’re going to dump this case just as it’s getting interesting.
Scully: Interesting, Mulder, was when we were looking for Wile E. Coyote.
Mulder: You think this was murder?
Scully: Don’t you? Mulder, his head was cut off.
Mulder: Observe! The nearly complete absence of blood. Observe the paucity of fingerprints as evidenced by the LAPD’s liberal use of lycopodium powder.
Scully: Why are you talking like Tony Randall?
Scully: The hand may be quicker than the eye but it still leaves fingerprints.
Mulder: Provided they haven’t dumped the trash.
Scully: Skeptic.
Scully: Maybe true faith really is a form of insanity.
Mulder: Are you directing that at me?
Scully: No! I’m directing it at myself. And at Ed Wood.
Mulder: She was trying to tell me something!
Scully: She was trying to tell you to stop. To stop looking for your sister. She was just trying to take away your pain.
CSM: Got it all figured out, don’t you Agent Scully?
Scully: All but why you can’t just come to the door and knock.
Harold Pillar: We’re going to need to hold hands.
Scully: What do you mean?
Harold Pillar: I’m going to try to summon their presence into the house.
Scully: Oh yay. A seance. I haven’t done that since high school.
Mulder: Maybe afterwards we can play Postman and Spin the Bottle.
Scully: You know, Mulder, speaking of Hollywood, I think that Tea Leoni has a little crush on you.
Mulder: Yeah right. Like Tea Leoni’s ever going to have a crush on me.
Scully: I think that Shandling likes you a bit too.
Mulder: Really?
Mulder: What about us? How are we going to be remembered now because of this movie?
Scully: Well, hopefully the movie will tank.
Scully: Mulder, I have something to confess.
Mulder: What’s that?
Scully: I’m in love with Associate Producer Walter Skinner. They laugh.
Mulder: Ah, me too.
Season Eight