Eugene: Hey, you know who I had sex with last night? Lucy Liu, Lisa Ling… oh and who’s that chick from Crouching Tiger? Greg: Ang Lee. Eugene: Yes. So hot. I mean TiVO be my pimp, yo. Eric: And that’s from a group eVite, bitch! Greg: Dude this is terrible, man. I hate this. I […]
Steven: You stupid stupid stupid computer. How do you expect to take over mankind if you keep crashing? Eric: If Lizzie ever cheated on me I think I would die. Then you’re already dead. Eric: You better check yourself! Rachel: Wait, Lizzie hooked up with Lloyd? Nobody tells me anything. {Eric celebrates} Was that before or […]
Ron: I love college. I just wish I could take my tuition and shove it down that girl’s underwear in one dollar bills. Marshall about Sheila moving out: I’ve never even seen her before. Lloyd: I have. Lizzie’s phone rings Ron: Hi Eric. Eric: Who the hell is this? Why are you answering Lizzie’s phone? […]
Ron: Gentlemen, okay, are you ready? Okay, because you’re going to remember this moment coming up for the rest of your sweet lives. He dramatically unveils a keg Lloyd: That was the moment? Steven: Eric’s here now? Lloyd: Your nemesis has arrived. Rachel: Have you ever dumped anyone? Marshall: Almost. But we never actually like […]
Steven Karp (Jay Baruchel): The point is I’m tall, and handsome. And I’ve gained weight. And I’ve like finally got a fashion sense. Man, it’s like the beginning of a whole new era. Jack: A new era? You’re the same guy. You think you’re cool ’cause you grew like a freak and got a haircut? […]
Pilot Episode Nick Andopolis (Jason Segel): Hey, I believe in God, man. I’ve seen him, I’ve felt his power. He plays drums for Led Zeppelin and his name is John Bonham, baby! Daniel: You guys know Lindsay? Lindsay: Hi. Nick: You were in my english class last year, right? You were the chick that got […]