The Wrong Goodbye

Serena: Well at least now we know why Charlie’s been acting so unbalanced. Vanessa (Jessica Szohr): Yeah. Because she is. Serena: You know this isn’t her fault. She needs help. The last time that this happened she ended up wandering through the snow in her bare feet. Vanessa: Yeah. After she Single White Female’d her […]

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Shattered Bass

Gossip Girl: Good morning, Sleepyheads. Looks like “dream until your dreams come true” wasn’t such a good idea after all. Chuck: So I thought I’d bring some luxury across the river. Brooklyn needs it. It’s all bars, bakeries and babies. No hotel in sight. Charles Place. You up to attend the ribbon cutting? Nate: No […]

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Petty in Pink

Gossip Girl: Diamonds are a girl’s best friend. But ask any Upper East Side girl to show you her most prized possession and we bet the box is Vivier. Not Cartier. Serena: Hey Mom. We’re back from our tour of the best pastry shops in Manhattan. Charlie (Kaylee DeFer): I did a Linzer tart taste […]

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Empire of the Son

Rufus: We’ll get through this. Lily: You sound so sure I almost believe you. Lawyer: They’re ready for us. Rufus: I’ll be waiting. Lawyer: Lily, this is Assistant District Attorney Vincent. He’s going to be taking your statement. ADA Vincent: Whenever you’re ready, Mrs. Humphrey. Gossip Girl: They say Rome wasn’t built in a day. […]

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While You Weren’t Sleeping

Gossip Girl: Mick, Keith and their questionably-costumed cohorts said, “You can’t always get what you want.” But that doesn’t mean it’s okay for anyone else to have it either. Serena: Sorry if we kept you up last night. We were playing Scrabble. Ben (David Call): She fell asleep to avoid losing. Dan: Since when do […]

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Gaslit

Gossip Girl: Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday. As always I’ll be spending it giving thanks for the bounty of secrets I’ve harvested from you this year. But leave a place for me at your table. I’ll be back for just desserts. Blair: Strolling the Christmas markets with Daddy and Roman. Celebrating the Beaujolais Nouveau at Le […]

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The Witches of Bushwick

Gossip Girl: On the Upper East Side, the possibilities are endless. Dom or Krug. Winston or Cartier. Tory or Stella. Eventually even the people with everything have to choose. Serena: Hey, why are you guys eating? I thought we were going to Sarabeth’s. Eric: Ah, we decided we could spread out better here. There’s more […]

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Juliet Doesn’t Live Here Anymore

Gossip Girl: Morning, Upper East Siders. Hope you had a good night’s sleep. Or at least a good night’s play. Serena: I need to talk. I’m having Colin issues. Blair: And boundary issues. Ladies knock. And besides the only issue you should be having with Professor Forrester is the topic of your midterm. Now if […]

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Goodbye, Columbia

Gossip Girl: Morning on the Upper East Side. Where even our own blonde birdie has been spotted flying the coop early to make it to her morning classes. Leave it to Serena van der Woodsen to make geek, chic. Who knew ivy would look so good on her. Serena: Hey! Hey hey. Are you kidding […]

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Touch of Eva

Gossip Girl: Overnight our brooding billionaire has become a generous gentleman. But what’s responsible for this metamorphosis? Or should I say, “who”. Has a French fairy touched Chuck with her magic wand? Or does simply being with an angel make you want to grow wings too? Dorota: Sorry, Miss Blair. No papers today. I think […]

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The Undergraduates

Gossip Girl: Under Construction Blair: I don’t understand. How can Gossip Girl be down my first day at Columbia? Dorota: Maybe Gossip Girl get kidnapped. Unstable ex-boyfriend lock internet— Blair: Dorota! What did I tell you? No more watching Law and Order: SVU while you’re breastfeeding. No, unlike those plebeians at NYU the students at […]

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Belles de Jour

Gossip Girl: Nothing beats a summer abroad. But when travelling far from home it’s always nice to bring along an old friend from the neighborhood. Cobblestones and Cafe de Flore. Serena’s locked down the Left Bank and become a muse to us all. Meanwhile, Blair rules the Right Bank. Storming the shops and consuming the […]

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It’s a Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad World

Gossip Girl: It’s said that we’re all strapped to Fortune’s wheel. Nowhere is this truer than the ever-changing landscape of love. As one couple enjoys an upswing, another is plunged downwards. But top or bottom, don’t get too comfortable. Because the one thing you can rely on is that the wheel will keep on turning. […]

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Dr. Estrangeloved

Gossip Girl: On the Upper East Side, new days don’t always bring new beginnings. But they almost always bring new surprises. Serena: You ready? Lily: To explain to Rufus the real reason I’ve been lying to him? No. But I know I have to. Serena: Well it’s Rufus. He’ll understand. Lily: Yeah, let’s hope. You […]

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Inglourious Bassterds

Gossip Girl: Every war has its weapons. But on the Upper East Side the rules of battle are simple: there are no rules. Jack Bass (Desmond Harrington): You really have surrounded yourself with beautiful things. So easy to auction off. Gotta love eBay. Chuck: As much as I hate to interrupt your fun, this has […]

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The Sixteen Year Old Virgin

Gossip Girl: From the day he brings his newborn girl home, a father lives in fear that someday she’ll get hurt. That someday she’ll hate him. And worst of all, that someday she’ll grow up. Blair: Settlements are for the guilty. Celebrities that run people over. The Catholic Church. It’s not fair. Lily: How are […]

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The Treasure of Serena Madre

Gossip Girl: Thanksgiving began when Pilgrims and Indians came together to share the bountiful harvest. Eric: Our Thanksgivings tend to end with french fries at a diner and someone having been in a mental institution. Gossip Girl: On the Upper East Side, that tradition is upheld with a bountiful harvest of secrets, lies and scandals. […]

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The Last Days of Disco Stick

Gossip Girl: As a famed literary liar once told Oprah, memory is subjective. Memories can be embellished. Or denied. But as James Frey knows all too well, the truth always comes out. Blair: Ugh. I don’t converse with liars or Lewinskis. Nate: A threesome? Dan: Oh yeah. Just me, Olivia, Vanessa, two girls, four boobs, […]

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The Grandfather: Part II

Gossip Girl: In Manhattan some parties are VIP only. Others are strictly private. But some parties are political. And those lines are drawn by the most established of the establishment. And once those lines are drawn they can never be crossed. Trip (Aaron Tveit): Even if the night ends in defeat at least we’ll have […]

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Enough About Eve

Dan: We just started dating. Isn’t it a little soon for “Meet the Parents”? Vanessa (Jessica Szohr): Not for Olivia. She seems really easygoing and into you. Jenny: Yeah. Seriously Dan. Play the parent card. People like you more when they meet your family. Nate: Didn’t you spend a summer in Monte Carlo when she […]

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