Bart of Darkness Beans are neither fruit nor musical Bart: Look, Lisa. I snatched five bathing suits. All Martin’s. Lisa: Take your best shot! I’m wearing seventeen layers. {the kids attack} I brought this on myself. Lisa: Dad, as you know, we’ve been swimming. And we’ve developed a taste for it. We both agree that […]
Homer’s Barbershop Quartet I will never win an Emmy Homer: Junk … junk… the airplane’s upside down. Stradi-who-vius? Marge: Your teenage son or daughter will think this wishbone necklace is really cool. Man: I doubt my son or daughter is that stupid. Skinner: We need a name that’s witty at first. But that seems less […]
Season 4 Kamp Krusty This punishment is not boring and pointless Miss Hoover: Here are your final report cards. I have nothing left to say to any of you. So if nobody minds let’s just quietly run out the clock. Teacher as the kids rush out with the bell: Wait a minute! You didn’t learn […]
Stark Raving Dad I am not a dentist Homer: Marge, I can’t wear a pink shirt to work. Everybody wears white shirts. I’m not popular enough to be different. Mr. Burns: Spare me the tiresome antics of the Simpson family! Lisa: Meditations on Turning Eight by Lisa Simpson I had a cat named Snowball. She […]
Bart Gets an F I will not encourage others to fly. Mrs. Krabappel: There were moments when I truly believed you were Hemingway. Bravo, Martin. Martin Prince: Oh please. Call me Papa. Mrs. Krabappel: Bart, did you read the book? Bart: Mrs. Krabappel, I am insulted! Is this a book report or witch hunt? I […]
Season 1 Patty: It’s almost nine o’clock. Selma: Where is Homer anyway? Patty: It’s so typical of the big doofus to spoil it all. Lisa: What, Aunt Patty? Patty: Oh nothing, dear. I’m just trashing your father. Lisa: Well, I wish that you wouldn’t. Because, aside from the fact that he has the same frailties […]
Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire Bart: There’s only one fat guy that brings us presents and his name ain’t Santa. Homer: Oo, look! Pantyhose. Practical and alluring. Homer reciting reindeer names: Dasher… Dancer… Prancer… Nixon… Comet and Cupid… Donna Dixon? Teacher: Sit down, Simpson. Homer: What do you think, kids? Beauty isn’t it? Selma: […]
Season 1 Bart: There’s only one fat guy that brings us presents and his name ain’t Santa. Bart: KWYJIBO. K-W-Y-J-I-B-O. Twenty-two points. Plus triple word score. Plus fifty points for using all my letters. Game’s over, I’m outta here. Homer: Wait a minute, you little cheater! You’re not going anywhere until you tell me what […]