Seth: Thor. That’s a strong name. No one’s gonna mess with Thor. Ryan: Thanks. Seth: Seth’s a good name for a boy too. Although at Camp Takahoe I was often referred to as a girl. So I guess it works either way. Ryan: Can we not play the name game? Seth: Not having anyone pick […]
Seth: Go back to bed. Or… the floor. Theresa: I can’t impose on Seth’s parents forever. Seth: Sure you can. I intend to. Sandy: So, Cay-Cay, what have you been doing all this time? Sandy: Not that I have any affection for you, Caleb. You know that. But I do love The Vegas. Seth: I […]
Seth about Kirsten: It’s the Tourette’s firing up again. Happens every now and again, but it’s fun. Kirsten: I just don’t understand. What is the rush? Sandy: Honey, it’s the Gruesome Twosome. What do you expect? It’s the shock-and-awe approach to courtship. Kirsten: So he’s bought your acceptance? Sandy: But at a really high price. […]
Marissa: I’m emotionally stable. Besides, I’m not the only one crying. Seth: I’m sorry, what? I’m allergic, okay? And there is so much pollen in here right now, it’s ridiculous. Marissa: It’s okay. Seth: And tomorrow I’m watching football, okay? Summer: Football season is five months away. Luke: Thanks for meeting me. Julie: Well it’s […]
Luke: Hey, Cohen, get up. Seth: It’s my precious, you can’t have it! Julie: I would love to stay and chat with you, Ryan. But I have to find my daughter. Ryan: Not if I find her first. Seth: So what’s the GPRA? Ryan: I have no idea what you just said. Seth: Game plan, […]
Seth: So, then, did you take your watch off during the deed or… what exactly? Ryan: Wanna wait in the car? I can pick something up from the front desk myself. Seth: No, that’s cool. I’ve got more questions. So then, I don’t understand. Did you take it off during foreplay? Was it before foreplay? […]
Seth: We were just discussing your plan. Theresa: What plan? Seth: Exactly. Luke: The sooner you realize that it’s never going to go back to the way it was, the sooner you can move on. Anna: They have chin implants? Summer: My Dad does them all the time. He says chins are the new nose. […]
Ryan about Marissa: We’ll just go back to being friends. Seth: When were you guys ever friends? Was it when you were beating up her boyfriend or, ah, spooning in a Tijuana motel? Is that when you were friends? Ryan: Yeah, that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. Does it? Seth: I don’t know. Summer: […]
Sandy: Valentine’s Day is not a holiday. Rosh Hashannah, that’s a holiday. Memorial Day, yes—a holiday. Do you know who inviented Valentine’s Day? Kirsten: St. Valentine. Sandy: Hershey’s and Hallmark. If you’re single it’s designed to make you depressed and if you happen to be in love, start shellin’ out. Chocolate, flowers, lingerie— Kirsten: You’ve […]
Ryan: I know you want me to say I’m sorry, but I’m not. Oliver admitted it right to my face. He told me he wanted me gone so he could get to Marissa. Sandy: Then why would he drop the assault charges against you? Sandy: Come on, Ryan. Talk to me. Ryan: What’s the point? […]
Seth: You did accuse the guy of faking a suicide attempt. Ryan: No I didn’t. I just didn’t believe him. Seth: Oh. Okay. Hard to believe such blind compassion upset Marissa. You should go work things out. Ryan: I don’t trust him. Something about Oliver’s… off. Seth: Yeah. He tried to kill himself. Or he […]
Sandy: Alright. One more. Ryan: No. No more. Sandy: Oh come on! You were so good at the driving range. Ryan: I don’t play golf. Seth: Not true, buddy! You just don’t play well. Sandy: And you know, there’s plenty more to do in Palm Springs other than play golf. You could spa. Ryan: I […]
Sandy: She’s eating us out of house and home. Kirsten: Sandy, it’s just a bagel. Sandy: No no no. It’s never just a bagel. Seth: Mom, as someone who’s basically been a shut-in for the last 17 years of his life I can pretty much say with the greatest authority, that woman never leaves the […]
Marissa: I love you. Silence. I mean— I didn’t mean. I… Ryan: Thank you… ? Marissa: Uh. You’re welcome? Hailey Nichol (Amanda Righetti): Who the hell are you? Ryan: It’s a long story. Who the hell are you? Hailey Nichol: It doesn’t work that way, dude. It’s my pool house. Ryan: Actually, dude, it’s my […]
Seth: So what’s it going to be, huh? Do you want your menorah or candy cane? Hm? Hanukkah or Christmas? Ryan: Uh… Seth: Uh uh. Don’t worry about it, buddy. Because in this house you don’t have to choose. Allow me to introduce you to a little something that I like to call Chrismukkah. Ryan: […]
Seth: Do I have a fever? I think I might have a fever and/or the chills. Ryan: Since when? Seth: Since recently. Sandy: So you’re not feeling well? Seth: No, I feel fine. coughs. Just my head’s a little achy and my stomach’s kind of weird. I’m okay. Sandy: C’mere. feels his forehead. Huh. You […]
Seth: Mom. Mom, no! No recipes. Put them away. Kirsten: This is Ryan’s first Thanksgiving in the house and we’re going to make this meal as a family. Kirsten: Are there pans? Are there any pans anywhere? Sandy: Not inspiring a lot of confidence, darling. Seth: Do you know what I dream about when I […]
Kirsten on walking in on Ryan and Marissa: It’s never happened with Seth. Sandy: You walked in on them? Kirsten: Well at least I knocked. Sandy: I knew it. Ryan and Marissa Cooper. Didn’t I tell you! Kirsten: No. Sandy: No. Seth: Oh I get it. I’m just here for the comic relief. Seth: But […]
Kirsten: You know, I ask you questions in the hopes of illiciting an actual response. Seth: I feel I convey more with a look. Kirsten: You look adorable. Seth: No. Kirsten: Cute? Dope? Rad? Seth: Please! Please! This is so painful. Kirsten: Doesn’t Seth look rad? Sandy: Oh, you do look rad. Mad props, son. […]
Kirsten: I’m sure she’ll apologize. Ryan: You are? Sandy: It’s Julie Cooper we’re talking about. Seth: My mom’s more popular than me. That’s a little pathetic, I realize. Dr. Kim (Rosalind Chao): Seth. Always interesting to see you. Dr. Kim: Ryan, you understand that if you did fail you’d lose a year. Not to mention […]
Seth: The plan is undeniable, Ryan. Ryan: I’m denying it. Seth: We have my mom’s Range Rover. We have a perfect alibi as I go to this comic-book convention every year, and we also have my entire life of never doing anything wrong which completely lulls my parents into a false sense of trust. Ryan: […]