Seth: “Dad, remember when I called you the worst father ever? Right after that I swung by your place of work, I smoked a joint, I forgot to put it out and now your office fits into an ashtray.” Seth: This is it, dude. We never have to set foot in this stupid school or […]
Theresa (Navi Rawat): I don’t know what the Korean word for “threesome” is, but I’m pretty sure it was used. Kirsten: Responsible for development? Sandy, the only thing that’s responsible for is a lot of sleepless nights and Matt Ramsey’s black eye. You know my father was Man of the Year. Sandy: The irony is […]
Ryan: Have you told her there’s nothing going on between you and Anna? Seth: I’ve tried, but every time I get close she pulls her rape whistle. Summer: Not only will I not go to prom with you, but if you and I were stranded on a desert island, I would take the nourishment that […]
Summer: 48 hours ago, Coop, you were Newport’s Courtney Love. Julie: Marissa, honey, you know it’s not too late to go with you. I promise I won’t embarrass you. I can pretend to be part of your entourage. Or your Scientology guide. Neil (Michael Nouri): Honey, I don’t get it. You throw all of these […]
Julie: Keep that grimey paw away from me. Unless you wanna see what ten years of cardiobar can do to your face. Ryan: Still lying to everybody about everything? Seth: I’m trying to talk as little as possible. Kirsten: Well whatever happens, you have at least one proud mother watching you when you graduate. Ryan: […]
Seth: All this time I thought getting into college would make things so much easier. Ryan: Yeah. Not gonna happen. Seth: There’s a cold front coming through. Taylor: Have you spoken to Marissa lately? Summer: Well, if you count “Pass the milk” and “Don’t be so skanky,”— Ryan: Everything okay? Seth: Yeah. No. It’s just […]
Summer: I’m sounding out a hot new couple alert. Act like you knew nothing. Seth: I don’t. Seth: So if the body doesn’t lie… Summer: Then it’s saying, “Ew.” Seth: “Ew”? Or “Touch my pooper”? Seth: Tense, tightly-wound shut-in. That’s all I want out of you, okay? It’s kind of a Boo Radley-shade. Far away […]
Seth: Who knew my new PlayStation idol would be your new girlfr— new… Sadie (Nikki Reed): Friend. Seth: Friend… Girl friend. Summer: Nice save. Sadie: I think friend is the word. Ryan: I’m gonna get that. Sadie: Nice dodge. Ryan: Thanks. Taylor: Holy Kodak moment! Summer: I guess Seth just aced his Brown interview. Taylor: […]
Kirsten: Ryan, I forgot to ask. Do you have any request for your birthday on Sunday? Seth: Sunday’s your birthday? Ryan: Thanks buddy. Sandy: Not just any birthday. Ryan’s turning 16. Becoming a fully-franchised citizen of this great democratic experiment we call America. Seth: Yes, we all know you went to law school. The important […]
Seth: I’ve got two girls in bikinis trying to seduce me. Which sounds awesome. But I’m scared, I’m wet, and I’m cold, Ryan. Ryan: Okay. Alright, I’ll be right there. I just gotta towel off. Seth: Why do you have to towel off? Kirsten: Maybe you two should stop sneaking around and go public. Julie: […]
Seth: You can’t blame yourself. You tried. Ryan: And failed. Kirsten: Julie, last time you went on a stealth mission, you toppled the dessert tray. Julie: Yeah, but it did get his attention. Sadie (Nikki Reed): He said you might think it’s cheesy, but that’s what you were to him. An angel. Sandy to Matt: […]
Seth: So I wanted to be alone. Are you the only one in this family that’s allowed to brood? Seth: We’re getting dangerously close to an after-school special here, Ryan. It’s marijuana and I did it twice. Julie: I know you’ve been married for, like, 200 years, but you must remember something about dating. Kirsten: […]
Seth: Dude, I planned my first escape on an Etch-a-Sketch. This is my dream. It’s just, I don’t know, man. It’s real. Ryan: Well, why don’t you talk to Summer about it. I mean, I’m sure she’s freaking out a bit, too. Seth: I’ll be fine. Seriously. This is just my process. Ryan: Fair enough. […]
Seth: Every time things are going too well around here, that’s when doom comes aknockin’. Ryan: Doom? Seth: Aknockin’. doorbell Or aringin’. Right on time. Don’t answer it. It’s probably a flaming bag of crap. Ryan: Or FedEx. Kirsten: Veronica. What are you doing here? Veronica (Paula Trickey): Hello, Kirsten. I hear you and Julie […]
Summer: If we’re going to launch a successful campaign to get Marissa back into Harbor we have to find someone who can organize the masses. Someone who they’ll follow, you know, into battle. Seth: You mean General Townsend? Summer: Affirmative. Taylor withdraws from the campaign Seth: I guess that means no button guy. Summer: Seth! […]
Summer: And what do you think, Cohen? Seth: My Chrismukkah forecast calls for trouble. Kirsten: I came to see how you were. Julie: I’m great. Some of the neighbors are having a cock fight in an hour using stray dogs. It’s a holiday tradition. My money’s on the feisty Weimaraner. Kirsten: Good. ‘Cause I’m awful. […]
Julie: Sandy, I don’t think I’m in favor of low income housing. Kirsten: Julie, you live in a trailer park. Summer: Well maybe I never had a dream. You know, maybe for once in my life I actually want to do something in my life. Like something important. Be the first woman in space or […]
Seth: Okay picture me at college. Big fish in a small pond or small fish in a big pond? Ryan: I don’t know. I never really pictured you living in a pond. Seth: Me neither. Summer: I can’t even pick out my shoes in the morning, let alone plan the rest of my life. Seth: […]
Ryan: Maybe the girls should pick the movie next time. Seth: Ah, do I have to remind you about the Bring It On phase? Summer: Now that is an awesome movie. Ryan: I’m not looking for trouble. Volchok (Cam Gigandet): Maybe you should have thought about that before jumping in the other night. Summer: What, […]
Summer: Nightmares, huh? You know at first I thought you were just a sweaty sleeper. I didn’t want to say anything, but— Marissa: Because I thought if I slept with you they’d go away. Summer: You talk to Ryan about it? Marissa: I try. I mean you know how he is. Summer: Yeah, not much […]
Kirsten to the boys: Sit. You are having eggs benedict Gruyère avec paté de foie. Sandy: Something smells… fancy. Kirsten: You know you’re going to be exposed to a lot of new things in college next year. Seth: Yeah, horny co-eds and alcohol poisoning. I just don’t think they’re gonna have French fusion on the […]