Mr. Fanshawe (John Voce): I will not be robbed by some lone, ranting cavalier!
The Nightmare: Who says I am alone? {red eyes glow in the distance}
The Nightmare: What are you doing?
The Doctor: Oh just ignore me, just passing through. Like fish in the night.
The Nightmare: This is a robbery.
The Doctor: It’s not fish in the, is it? It’s something else. It’s—
The Nightmare: This is my robbery!
The Doctor: No. Ships in the night! Yeah, something like that.
The Nightmare: You have interrupted my robbery, sir. And you will step away if you wish to take another breath.
Coachman (Gareth Berliner): You’re gonna get us all killed if you don’t shut your mouth!
The Doctor: Sorry, sorry. I really was planning to listen that time but basically I didn’t. Usually someone hits me at this point but she’s taken a year’s severance for Taekwondo.
The Doctor: Oh hang on. If I didn’t know better I’d say this was a robbery.
The Nightmare: I am robbing these people. You are getting out of my way.
The Doctor: Just need one tiny little thing from out of this box.
The Nightmare: This is my robbery!
The Doctor: Well can’t we share it? Isn’t that what robbery’s all about!
The Nightmare: You bungled my heist.
The Doctor: No, you bungled mine, Zorro!
The Nightmare: Whey-faced fool.
The Doctor: Well why don’t you show your face? At least I show my face! What’s wrong with yours?
The Nightmare: Nothing. Doctor. {she removes her mask}
The Doctor: You.
Me (Maisie Williams): Yes. It is me. What took you so long, old man?
The Doctor: Old man?
Me: Seemed apt. Life expectancy is 35 these days. Well. For everyone else.
The Doctor: But didn’t you know it was me?
Me: Of course. You don’t forget the man who saved your life. It’s good to see you.
The Doctor: Yes, I didn’t get that impression when you were threatening to kill me.
Me as The Nightmare: The Nightmare has a reputation to maintain.
The Doctor: That’s a very good voice. How’d you do that?
Me: Practice.
The Doctor: Last time I saw you, you were founding a leper colony. I was so proud of you.
Me: Proud of me? You weren’t even there.
The Doctor: Yes I was. You didn’t see me but I saw you.
Me: And you just left me there?
The Doctor: Well you seemed fine.
Me: In a leper colony?
Me: You mean… you haven’t come for me?
The Doctor: No, it was just a coincidence. Oh Ashildr, I’m sorry.
Me: Who’s Ashildr?
The Doctor: You are. That’s your name. Ashildr, daughter of Ionhar. Chuckles, I used to call him Chuckles. You don’t remember?
Me: Yes. I think I remember the village.
The Doctor: You loved that village.
Me: If you say so.
The Doctor: Anyone in that village would have died for you.
Me: Well. They’re all dead now and here I am. So I guess it all worked out.
The Doctor: Well what do you call yourself?
Me: Me.
The Doctor: Yes, you. There’s nobody else here.
Me: No. I call myself, “Me.” All my other names I chose died with who knew me. Me is who I am now. No one’s mother, daughter, wife. My own companion. Singular. Unattached. Alone.
Me: Your device. What is it?
The Doctor: My curio scanner? Oh it, ah, it sort of, it scans for curios. I just realized how it got its name. It’s been tracking exoplanetary energy for the last couple of weeks. I’ve been following it across the galaxy.
Me: And do you know what you’re looking for?
The Doctor: I’ve got a pretty good idea, yeah.
Me: I wasn’t just robbing Lucie Fanshawe for her loot. She’s bragged about having the rarest gem in the land. An ancient amulet from foreign parts. Could it be we are looking for the same prize?
The Doctor: Clearly you don’t need money. So why do you rob?
Me: For the adventure, Doctor. Isn’t that what life’s all about?
The Doctor: A medieval queen. How exciting!
Me: You’d think. It was paperwork and backgammon mainly, as I recall. Ended up faking my own death. Did a bunk before the evisceration.
The Doctor: How many people have you killed?
Me: You’ll have to check my diaries.
The Doctor: You can’t remember?
Me: For what it’s worth, I’ve saved many lives too.
The Doctor: There’s another bout coming. And a big fire that tears through London.
Me: Excellent. Maybe I start it.
The Doctor: No, that was the Terileptils.
Me: You should try my journals. I read them myself now and then. Drink pomace wine. Have a little Me time.
The Doctor: You don’t seem the nostalgic type.
Me: It’s not nostalgia, it’s curiosity. I can’t remember most of it. That’s the trouble with an infinite life and a normal size memory.
Me: You’ll have to remind me. What’s sorrow like? It all just runs out, Doctor. I’m just what’s left.
Me: Please, take me with you. All these people here, they’re like smoke. They blow away in a moment. You don’t know what it’s like.
The Doctor: I do know what it’s like.
Me: Then however you fly—whatever ship you sail in—take me with you.
The Doctor: How did you know I had a ship?
Me: “From now on it’s me against the world.”
The Doctor: I read your journals. Why are there pages missing?
Me: When things get really bad I tear the memories out.
The Doctor: What could be worse than losing your children?
Me: I keep that entry to remind me not to have anymore.
Me: Just this once you can’t run off like you usually do.
The Doctor: How do you know? How do you know what I usually do? We met once in a Viking village. I didn’t give you my life story.
Me: It’s true though, isn’t it? You’re the man who runs away.
The Doctor: Oh. Who told you that?
Me: Maybe I just worked it out.
Me: You’ll need a mask, sidekick. Watch and learn.
The Doctor: Brought my own, thanks. {puts on his sunglasses}
The Doctor: Humans need shared experiences.
Me: I’m regretting sharing this one.
The Doctor: Oh you remember Clara, do you?
Me: Of course. I take particular note of anyone’s weaknesses.
Me: What’s wrong with Clara then?
The Doctor: There’s nothing wrong with her.
Me: Why haven’t you made her immortal?
The Doctor: Oh look how you turned out.
Me: How old are you, Doctor?
The Doctor: Older than you.
Me: And how many have you lost? How many Claras?
The Doctor: Robbery. Burglary. That’s capital. Meat and drink to the hangman, Ashildr.
Me: I’m not Ashildr. I’m Me. And I fear no hangman in Christendom.
Sam Swift (Rufus Hound): Ooo! Well. Never knew you were so puny, Nightmare. Or should I say, “Slightmare.”
The Doctor: No. Not the puns. Line in the sand. No puns.
Me: It’s what’s in my brain that counts, bingo boy.
Sam Swift: Well no brain outwits a bullet, dandy prat.
The Doctor: This is banter. I’m against banter. I’m on the record on the subject of banter.
The Doctor: I’m not his dad, I’m the Doctor.
Sam Swift: Is that the best name you could come up with?
The Doctor: What, says “Sam Swift the Quick”? It’s trying a bit too hard, isn’t it. Or are you a little bit slow?
The Doctor: I know their lives are short, I understand. But those lives do matter.
Me: Shut up. You’re not my dad.
Me: I have waited longer than I should ever have lived. I have lost more than I can even remember. Please, Doctor, just get me out of this. I want more than this. I deserve more than this. Why not? Why not!
The Doctor: Because it wouldn’t be good.
The Doctor: Do you have a cat? Sounds like a very big cat. Hence the very big cat flap.
Me: Leandro, meet the Doctor. You thought I was helping you. In fact it was the other way around. Leandro, we have it. My friend here was as useful as I’d hoped.
The Doctor: If somebody had needed my help, why did nobody just ask? I am forced to assume that you have plans that I wouldn’t approve of.
The Doctor: Kill me.
Leandro (Ariyon Bakare): Why?
The Doctor: If you intend any harm to this planet or its people, then killing me is by far your best move.
Leandro: You invite your own death?
The Doctor: No, I just want you to attack first, then my conscience is clear.
Me: I’m not looking for a husband, you oaf. I’m looking for a horse to get me out of town. You said no.
The Doctor: Well what, do you think you could trust him?
Me: He knows what it is to be alone.
The Doctor: So do I.
Me: Then how could you do what you did?
The Doctor: I’m looking for the headline here.
Me: The what?
The Doctor: Well, you know, you want to escape. Well go on, escape as much as you like. Why would I not approve?
The Doctor: Oh Ashildr, daughter of Ionhar. What happened to you?
Me: You did, Doctor. You happened.
Me: Do you ever think or care what happens after you’ve flown away? I live in the world you leave behind. Because you abandoned me to it.
The Doctor: Why should I be responsible for you?
Me: You made me immortal.
The Doctor: I saved your life. I didn’t know that your heart would rust because I kept it beating. I didn’t think that your conscience would need renewing, that the well of human kindness would run dry. I just wanted to save a terrified young woman’s life.
Me: You didn’t save my life, Doctor. You trapped me inside it.
The Doctor: Do I look like some feckless thief? I’m on your side. I’m an undercover constable from Scotland Yard. … Do you have Scotland Yard yet?
Pikeman Lloyd Llewelyn (Gruffudd Glyn): Been on the cider, have we?
Pikeman William Stout (Reuben Johnson): You wish to hang too?
The Doctor: Well. Will you take me there if I say yes?
Pikeman Llewelyn: Indeed. There’s a bounty on your head for £20.
The Doctor: Twenty pounds. Is that all?
Pikeman Stout: ’Tis a small fortune to us.
The Doctor: Well in that case, I know where Lady Me keeps all of her money. Almost £30.
Pikeman Llewelyn: Now why didn’t you say that in the first place?
The Doctor: His life force is opening a portal.
Me: To my new life.
The Doctor: Or to hell.
Me: You said you were the last of the Leonians. We weren’t meant to escape.
Leandro: You shall. In death.
The Doctor: He doesn’t care!
Me: But I do! Oh god, I do. I actually care!
Leandro: You can not reverse death!
Me: Oh yes, we can!
Sam Swift: The last thing I remember is you turning up, Doctor. Good thing too. Between you and me I was running out of material.
The Doctor: Yeah, I could tell. Gave a whole new meaning to dying on stage.
Sam Swift: Gallows humor can be tricky.
Me: Is he immortal now?
The Doctor: Do you want him to be?
Me: I don’t think I want anyone to be.
The Doctor: Well probably not. Probably the power would have been drained by the whole opening and reversing that the portal thing, there’d be enough power to bring him back but not enough power to… keep him here permanently.
Me: Did you just make all of that up?
The Doctor: Yeah.
The Doctor: People like us, we go on too long. We forget what matters. The last thing we need is each other. We need the mayflies. You see the mayflies, they know more than we do. They know how beautiful and precious life is because it’s fleeting.
The Doctor: I looked into your eyes and I saw my worst fears. Weariness. Emptiness.
Me: That’s why you can’t travel with me. Our perspectives are too vast, too far away.
The Doctor: You’re not the first, you know. I did travel with another immortal once. Captain Jack Harkness.
Me: Who?
The Doctor: He may run into you eventually.
The Doctor: Who told you about me? “The man who comes for the battle, and runs away from the fallout”?
Me: Take your pick. You’ve had an impact on this world. You’ve made waves.
The Doctor: Sometimes tidal waves.
Me: I’m flattered.
The Doctor: Well you should be. You’re an extraordinary woman, Ashildr. But. I think I’m going to have to keep an eye on you.
Me: No.
The Doctor: No?
Me: Someone has to look out for the people you abandon. Who better than me? I’ll be the patron saint of the Doctor’s leftovers. While you’re busy protecting this world, I’ll get busy protecting it from you.
The Doctor: So are we enemies now?
Me: Of course not. Enemies are never a problem. It’s your friends you have to watch out for. And, my friend, I’ll be watching out for you.
The Doctor: Ashildr, I think I’m very glad I saved you.
Me: Oh I think everyone will be.
The Doctor: I’ve missed you, Clara Oswald.
Clara: Oh don’t worry. Daft old man. I’m not going anywhere.