Last Christmas

Santa Claus (Nick Frost): Moron! Numbskull! Elf! Ian (Dan Starkey): That’s racist! Santa Claus: Of course it’s not racist. You are an elf. Chimneys? Ian: I’m sorry? Santa Claus: I’m just checking that you can see these massive chimneys. Ian: They’re hard to miss! Santa Claus: Well as you’ve clearly demonstrated, Ian. Ian: You know no one really likes the tangerines […]

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In the Forest of the Night

Maebh (Abigail Eames) knocking on the TARDIS: I’m lost. Please, can you help me? The Doctor pointing: It’s that way. {looking out} Are those trees? Maebh: I need the Doctor. Are you the Doctor? The Doctor: Yes. Do you have an appointment? You need an appointment to see the Doctor. Maebh: Please, something’s chasing me. The Doctor demonstrating: When you […]

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Mummy on the Orient Express

The Doctor: Start the clock. Mrs. Pitt (Janet Henfrey): Is there some sort of fancy dress thing on this evening? Maisie Pitt (Daisy Beaumont): I don’t think so. Why do you ask? Mrs. Pitt: Well that fellow over there. Dressed as a mummy monster thing. Maisie: What do you mean? I can’t see him. Mrs. Pitt: Hello. You! […]

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Time Heist

The Doctor: The Satanic Nebula. Or… the Lagoon of Lost Stars. Or we could go to Brighton. I’ve got a whole day worked out. Danny (Samuel Anderson): 7:15. Meeting me, you are. Date. Second one. Clara: Got words out. Not in the right order. But hey, maths teacher. Clara about the ringing TARDIS phone: There […]

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Listen

The Doctor: Listen! The Doctor: Question: why do we talk out loud when we know we’re alone? Conjecture: because we know we’re not. Evolution perfects survival skills. There are perfect hunters. There is perfect defense. Question: why is there no such thing as perfect hiding? Answer: how would you know? Logically, if evolution were to […]

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Into the Dalek

Journey Blue (Zawe Ashton): How did I get here? The Doctor: I materialized the time capsule exactly around you and saved your life one second before your ship exploded, but do please keep crying. Journey Blue: My brother just died. The Doctor: His sister didn’t. You’re very welcome. Put the gun down. Journey Blue: Or […]

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